When coming out of lockdown is slightly terrifying

As life slowly starts to return to normal and the restrictions of social isolation are eased, I found myself gripped with panic this past week. 

Why is this so? Well, in many ways life in isolation meant I could safely hide my issues or at least put them on hold. During the height of the pandemic and when lockdown was at its strictest, I was no longer unique in having to spend a huge amount of time at home alone, nor was there anything special about being out of work. If anything, I was happier in isolation. With husband working from home and child learning from home, at least I had company during the day and didn’t feel so lonely. With the announcement that kids will return to school full time next week, I’m not jumping for joy as many parents are, but feeling a little sad and anxious. Sad in the knowledge that I will miss the vision of my daughter  with her head phones on, as she quietly completed her on line school work as I potted around the kitchen. Anxious about the fact that I am still out of work without the excuse of having a child to supervise during the day. 

And as businesses begin re-opening their doors, and workers start going back to their offices, I panicked. Not only am I out of work, but am now competing with 800 000 others to find work. So, I madly began applying for jobs, even those that I had deemed unsuitable previously. Out of fear. Fear of becoming a long term unemployed statistic.  I applied for a position with the Fair Work Ombudsman and was advised that they received 2500 applications, and regrettably, I was unable to progress to the next stage of the selection process. I applied for a position that was full time even though I had ruled that out previously, preferring to work part time. I was enticed by the fact that I could work from home and therefore juggle supervision of child after school with work. But the job itself does not fill me with joy. And a huge part of wanting to work is to connect with others and be part of a team not to mention having a change of scene. Not more isolation. Yet, this is what a lot of work will look like for a long time to come.  Ah dilemnas and decisions.   

So, take a deep breath, I tell myself. No need to jump right in.  Just as it took a little while to adjust to being at home all the time with the family, it will take a while to adjust to life getting back to normal. It's a process. It won't be automatic.  And release...

Life is a roller coaster

It’s been about 10 days since I last posted. My emotions and thoughts are see-sawing all over the place. I’m  feeling a tonne of gratitude one day, (for gorgeous weather, excellent back yard, no serious financial stress, having the company of my little family) the next, I’m riddled with angst, (am I ever going to get a job??? My throat feels odd, I must have the virus and my body won’t cope with it…) then frustration, (How could I have forgotten to buy frozen peas??) then boredom ( we’ve been playing the same board game every day for weeks) and even guilt, ( for others less fortunate).   Such is life living during a pandemic. What I don’t want to feel, however, is complacent. I can’t help worrying about the premature easing of social distancing restrictions. As I write, I’ve just heard that Clovely, Maroubra and Bronte beaches have had to close a day after reopening as people weren’t exercising and it became dangerously crowded.  Anyone with half a brain could have predicted that.   It’s tough and it’s sad but they shouldn’t have opened them to begin with.

 It’s such a fine balance between being cautious but not so much that you’re obsessing, and not letting go to the extent that you put yourself and others in danger.

Good weather is the tonic for all ills

One thing I’ve definitely noticed, is my mood is heavily influenced by the weather. Luckily, right now Autumn in Sydney is probably the nicest time of the year. Crisp fresh mornings give way to warm, windless days. I make a point to get outside as much as I can. Yesterday, Austgrid workers were doing some work in our neighbourhood which meant we had no power for almost 6 hours.  So I went down to the garage, looked through our camping equipment and found our camper’s kettle. I took it and a grill plate up to the back yard, lit a campfire and proceeded to have a delicious lunch and tea. It was the yummiest cheese toastie I’ve had in a while. And nothing beats the ritual of placing a kettle on the fire and patiently waiting for the whistle to indicate the water has boiled and pouring a cup of tea. Then to sit back and watch the bird life and take in the air. Nothing like it. 

So grateful that we moved to this property with a huge back yard. Previously we lived in an apartment. Now that would’ve been a bit more of a challenge at this time.

We played French cricket in the back yard the other day which was a hoot! Even my 12 year old daughter who needs soooo much persuading to join in with daggy parents, enjoyed it. We all laughed that real genuine laugh that comes from playing games. Again, weather was a huge factor as it was the most perfect of Autumn days.

More creative ways to connect

I’ve been following view from my window. It has a huge following with over 1 million people posting photos from their windows, verandahs, porches. Some tell us their stories – occasionally sad and touching. It’s a bit of a mixed feeling though. Most of the views are stunning with wild life, paddocks, mountains, lakes etc and therefore those posting are fortunate souls. What about the poor buggers with crap views? It may make them feel worse, however, people are so kind with their words of encouragement and remind us of our common humanity.    

The funny/Ironic

I’ve been complaining about there being too many people out and about in the local area- supposedly “exercising”, ruining my walk as I have to duck and weave all the time. What I didn’t realise of course, is that I’m one of them! Ha ha. Perhaps I just need to consider varying my routes and going at different times of the day.

The bad

My mind was going a bit nuts this week. A physical problem I’ve had since December flared up again. I kept having to remind myself that my symptoms pre-date corona virus. I had to hunt out the written info given to me by my health care professional and realised my symptoms were in fact an exact match for laryngeal reflux not Covid 19. 

The frustrating

Shopping Blues

So, I’ve been saying to my husband for the past few weeks that I’m done with going to the supermarket. The place terrifies me, or worse, it feels so normal that I totally forget to take care. The social distancing rule is a joke here. When you’re focused on finding a particular product, you’re in your own little world and don’t realise the next person is within whisper of your face doing exactly the same thing.  It’s all very well to pack your own bags but the sales assistant still handles everything in order to scan it. I’ve done the auto check out but it really isn’t efficient when you have a large trolley.

Anyhow, I said to hubby, let’s shop fortnightly instead of weekly and get fresh stuff delivered in between.  For us that is a change and it means we need to make sure we think of everything we need to last for 2 weeks. So what do I find in the pantry? An empty jar of peanut butter that fooled me as I thought we didn’t need any. I keep telling my family to please write it on the shopping list if you know we are low on an item and please do not put it back in the pantry/fridge if it is empty for God’s sake. Pissed off I am. My plan was to make peanut butter protein balls to tide us over for health snacks till our fresh fruit stock was replenished. There’s that idea out the window. Then hubby observes that his particular cereal has run out so he’ll just pop in to Coles on Saturday (the very next day after our fresh fruit n veg delivery) and get some stuff. !!!! Come on guys! Can’t you help me out here? Why didn’t you ask me to buy extra packets of cereal? Or why can’t you just eat the other cereal that is in the pantry or have an egg or toast???     

We are so spoilt that we just can’t go without our comforts 100% of the time.  We have to have every kind of spread and cheese and not just spaghetti but penne and rigatoni too.

God what about those who live in the country miles away from any shop? They don’t go back and forth whenever they’ve run out of bloody tea bags. Worse still, what about those who are not only living during a pandemic, but don’t have enough to eat, don’t have a roof over their heads and have to live in fear for their lives due to war?

I know it’s all relative but gee.

Lessons learnt

I guess it’s about adapting and trial and error and it takes a while to get it right. You have to live through something in order to learn and understand what’s needed. 

According to studies, it takes 3 weeks to change a simple habit, more like 8 weeks or more to change others.

Let go of perfectionism.

And communicate more often. If we’re in agreement about the same goals, then we’re more likely to achieve them and there’s less burden on one member of the family who in turn will feel less resentful. 

Let go of blame and judgement. We’re all in the same boat.

Why is Gladys doing a back flip re. school?

Gladys has stated that kids will be returning to school as of week 3 of Term 2.  What??? This comes only a few weeks after she was urging parents to keep their kids at home.  I was so impressed by her strong, unequivocal leadership back then even if it meant undermining Scott’s message the night before, (22/3/20) but this turn around makes no sense.

Andrew Pollard professor of paediatric infection and immunity at Oxford Uni (from the Guardian 1/4/20) has stated that children are just as likely to get infected as adults. However, when they do get infected, they are experiencing milder symptoms. Ok thank God for that.

However, if children are able to be infected by the virus, then they can transmit the virus to others. And if children show little to no symptoms, then they are silent carriers of the disease which is dangerous. Gladys keeps saying how community transmissions are of great concern, yet children could be part of these mysterious community transmissions passing it on to more vulnerable individuals including their parents and grandparents.

It makes no sense that the rest of the population are being urged to persevere with the restrictions, if children do not need to. As our leaders have been saying repeatedly, Australia hasn’t seen the huge growth in infections or deaths because we’ve taken serious action early such as physical distance rules, closures of pubs, clubs, cafes, restaurants etc. Any ease of these restrictions could see this trend change. Sending kids to school is easing restrictions. There is no way social distancing can be praticed in a class room. 

Once again, parents are going to have to make agonising decisions regarding whether to send their kids to school. And put up with a cocky PM chastising them for not doing so. For not valuing their kids education or the economy.  

Is this the beginning of the easing of restrictions generally? A deadly premature mistake if it is.

Watch that curve go up.

Gender role expectations

I feel the need to revisit my post of 29/3/20 “life in semi-lockdown”. The part where I described our family as happily operating along traditional lines. What I mean by that is my husband is the paid worker, I’m not in paid employment but undertake domestic duties and am the primary carer of our daughter, aged 12 and the dog (who is old and sick).

The reason a traditional life style works for our family is largely due to my husband and I sharing the same values when it comes to gender equality and the division of work in our home. It was my choice not to work for the moment. I was already unemployed and it made sense to keep job seeking on hold for now.   My husband was willing to support whatever decision I made. Luckily we can afford to live off one wage for a little while longer. (it just means we can’t replace our 17 year old car just yet). Furthermore, my husband pulls his weight around the house.  He does the shopping, washes up after I’ve made dinner, and cooks on the weekends. He isn’t overly fussed about living in a pristine house and would never demand this of me.  If I was to work from home, the bathrooms would probably become a little neglected, there might be a bit of a laundry pile up and our dinners would be simple stir frys and not the 2 hour casseroles I currently make. However, I can’t help wondering, if the both of us were to work from home and if our daughter was very young, or we had several children, how would we manage?  

It was an article I read this morning in the ABC news by Yolande Strengers, sociologist, 6/4/20, that got me thinking.   In it she reports that women are tackling multiple roles – caring for kids, taking on greater amounts of domestic tasks as well as trying to undertake paid work from home. The concern that simmering tensions at home make more families at risk of domestic violence and child abuse is very real – one that society as a whole needs to take responsibility for preventing. That includes employers. She says employers need to adapt, be more flexible and allow workers to spread their work over a period of time as the 9-5 may no longer be effective or appropriate.

The danger of this, however, as she does acknowledge, is that employers may then expect workers to be available at all hours.  This contradicts what the mental health experts are saying is required to stay well whilst working from home. As a social worker, I totally agree, and know the importance of setting boundaries around “work” and “home life”.  For instance, it’s recommended that you knock off by a certain time each day.  Your mind needs to rest. If you are constantly thinking about work, you will burn out, suffer from fatigue and stress.  This manifests itself in insomnia, irritability and other negative behaviours which affect your physical and mental health and relationships suffer. 

The other answer she suggests is that employers need to acknowledge and accept that they can not expect the same level of productivity from their employees at this time. They simply will not get 40 hours.  

I honestly can’t think of any other solution. Except perhaps a nanny – if there was assistance with the cost and if there was sufficient space for another person in the home.

In summary the key themes are:

No single person can possibly work 3 jobs at once. (paid work, domestic work, caring for children).  Stop expecting women to do this.

 Joint responsibility is required between employers and staff to ensure their safety and well being whilst working from home particularly where parenting responsibilities are also being juggled.

This requires flexible and different work practices and expectations by all parties.

Teaching Elderly Parents how to Face Time

I’m so excited about my victory today in this regard!  Remember my post about staying connected with elderly parents (March 22 2020)? I was lamenting the fact that not only could I no longer physically see my parents but they were unable to use Face time methods as they don't understand or remember how to use modern devices.  Well I managed successfully today to have a face time conversation with my 81 year old mother. Who, by the way, has never been to school.

not my mother, but a similar reaction by same aged lady

I also posted her a letter which I still want to continue doing. Its another way to let her know that she's in my thoughts.

Face time apps and methods

I admit it, I'm a techno- phobe, a ludite even. I was the last of my friends to join Face Book. But never have I been more motivated to learn how to use technology to keep me connected to others than right now amidst this pandemic.

There exists a  plethora of different face time apps and options.   I’m sure they all have their relative merits and disadvantages (a good idea for another post!)  but for the average user who simply wants to stay connected to friends and family, it doesn't really matter, as long as we just get started.  Just do it and do it often. 
That's my next challenge - doing more of this. With friends, with parents, with siblings.

Life in semi - lock down

Wow. What a week. So much has happened globally and in every home in our country. 

It seems like ages ago we were having to make difficult decisions about whether or not to pull our daughter out of school, whether to visit elderly parents, or to cancel our Easter holidays yet all this happened just one week ago.

A week ago, the lack of decisive direction from our Federal Government and contradictions between State and Federal Goverment, especially around school attendance, was not great.  We've had to come to our own conclusions, with the Government lagging behind.

But as I write, we’re not yet in full lock down but getting there and rightly so. We are seeing the gradual tightening up of orders around self- isolation and social distancing with increasing restrictions around the number of people that can gather and limited reasons we are permitted to be outside of our homes. Only two can congregate outside, travellers must quarantine in hotels immediately upon arrival, with police enforcement now occuring for those who don't comply. The message is simpler and clearer. About time too.

Our Family in Self isolation

Our little family of 3 has been at home continuously for 11 days now.  Hubby is working from home, our 12 year old is doing home schooling (Year 7) and I’ve decided to put job seeking on hold.We have gone out for groceries, petrol, vet, pharmacy, Post Office and walking the dog. 

We’re operating as a traditional family. It’s weird as I like to think I’m a feminist and hate being financially dependent on someone else, but right now, it's working for us. Everyone knows what they need to do and they just get on with it.  

Schedules, Time tables and Routine

Surprisingly, the first week of home schooling has gone extremely well.  I’m working on a schedule of sorts and am basing it loosely around  my daughter’s school time table.  Basically, the day is divided into segments. All the necessary routine stuff before the working/school day begins at 9am, then the blocks of time before lunch and after lunch. I try and alternate passive with active activities, indoors with outdoor activities. ( see my Tips To stay sane post 20/3/20).
The evening activities are pretty much the same as before but we are playing games most days in the afternoon. We love Catan.  

The relationship between my daughter and I has been better than it has in a  long time this past week. I’ve barely had to do a thing in terms of supervision and she appreciates the trust I have shown in her.

Creative things I did

I cleaned the fridge, whipper snipped the yard, made cheesecake, got back into learning Spanish, started aerobics by You Tube ( I watch Jenny Mc Cleland for low impact aerobics for beginners and seniors as I'm pretty unfit). I am using Face time and group face time for courses and contact with family and friends which is new for me. 

What needs work

My daughter isn’t doing any exercise. She isn’t interested in You Tube exercises by Jo from the UK or anyone else.  I also need to check on her snack intake.  

The other thing that maybe needs a bit more planning and thought are the weekends. We don’t want to be doing the same things that we do during the week. We really don’t want that ground hog day feeling. Weekends needs to be different.  This is difficult when you can no longer go out. I'm working towards physical games outdoors in our back yard. It's a tiered yard, so that rules out some activities.
  

We tried playing Boule in the yard, but I found that boring. We may get a backyard tennis set ( rope with ball tied to a pole) and try French Cricket next weekend. We have been playing Board games almost every day but I need to mix it up a bit as I get bored with the same activity every day.  One idea is to leave the board games to the weekend or rainy days only, don't play them during the week.  Hmmm room for thought.

What irritates me

I haven’t been impressed with the over sensationalism by news media. This morning I turn on the TV and see a red screen with the corona virus cells bobbing around menacingly and great big letters CORONAVIRUS CRISIS. They did the same during the bush fires and every other disaster event. It really is not helping the amount of angst that exists. Yes we need to keep informed but you don’t need to frighten people into panicking. We've seen how counter productive that is with shop hoarding.   And people need to limit how much news they absorb – no need to see the same reports on the hour, just once in the morning and end of day is plenty. 

I worry about the Government boasting about our stats. eg the numbers of newly infected cases were down for 3 days in a row. Whilst we don't want people to panic, we certainly don't want complacency. That is dangerous. 

What makes me smile

Face book and social media has been a great friend. It really puts a smile on my face to read about all the creative ways people are coping. Some of my favourites include the drive by birthdays and acts of kindness like the good Samaritan handing out $100 notes to those in Centrelink queues in Melbourne.  There’s an avalanche of humour too which we need more than ever at this time. As mentioned previously, I love The Shovel.  

To visit or not to visit elderly parents

To visit or not to visit my elderly parents

Last Thursday my father turned 88. It had been 4 weeks since I had last seen him.  I was feeling terribly guilty about not having seen him sooner.  He lives an hour’s drive away with my mum. My brothers and sister live locally to my parents and pop in regularly, which means I don’t have to worry about their practical needs. I was looking forward to seeing them on the Saturday for a family birthday lunch as is our usual custom.

  

Then doubts flooded in. From what I’d read about preventing the spread of the Corona virus, we must behave as though we are carrying the virus since we very well could be. We can be carrying the virus and be asymptomatic then unknowingly pass it on to others including vulnerable elderly individuals.    My dad was concerned about the visit (for our sake, can you believe it)? He felt it best to leave it for a couple of weeks in which time hopefully there’d be a vaccine. I didn’t want to diminish his hopeful outlook but knew this was pure fantasy as it’ll be 12-18 months before that happens. My mum, on the other hand, said things would only get more risky as time went on and cases multiplied, so better to visit now before things got serious.

I rang my siblings.  One said stay the hell away; another said just two visitors at a time, outside, no hugs, wash hands on arrival, keep the visit short.   I was leaning towards visiting but leaving my husband and daughter behind, staying outdoors with full protective garments, and taking my own keep cup. Until… my husband informed me that a second person in the building he works in had the virus. Well that made it clear, I have to stay away.  

Ok. So it’s a necessary for me to stay away from my parents in order to protect them. But for how long? 5 months? Longer? This is unfathomable to me, cruel even.  My husband says better to stay away for 5 months and have my parents live another 5 years than risk making them fataly ill. But I don’t think they have another 5 years. And what kind of life will they be having, cooped up on their own? What of the effect on their mental health if they are cut off from family? Research is clear on the health benefits of being socially connected to others. They've had to say good bye to their beloved Bingo at the club, now this.    

I know there are alternative ways to stay connected. But my parents aren’t computer savvy. We’ve tried to teach them how to use Face Book and Messenger but they just need so much hand holding and they forget what they have learnt. My father had a stroke with some cognitive impairment and it was already challenging for him before this. So we can’t have face time with them via Skype/Whatsap/Face Book messenger etc.

I guess I can only use the means of communicating that they know and trust.

I will keep in contact by telephone – more often.  

I will send letters to them the old fashioned way – by post. Whilst it is no longer the best way to send news or information, there is something to be said for sending little envelopes of love. The unexpected surprise for the receiver, the visceral thrill of touching letter or card, can do a lot to boost someone’s spirits.  It’s an especially nice thing for a grandchild to do for their grandparents and can double up as an activity for a young child.  I once did this as an activity during the school holidays – the grandparents were thrilled.

We do what we can to stay connected.